Once in a while, I ask myself why I write here and more often than not, I have no answer. Ok.... I do have an answer but it is an answer that I don't like so I'll come to that one last. That does mean I also have other answers, some of which I do like that I'll expand on a little later.
So why the question?
It's to do with time/energy/effort/worth and by of examining what I write about and maybe seeing if this is, like my other hobbies, largely pointless.
I guess the first question I have to ask, as I have alluded to, is simply this:
What is the point of this Weblog?
It isn't that I have anything particulary profound that I feel I need to share with the world, nor is it even widely publicised so my readership is at most two and a half people so even if I felt that I had a great message, it isn't one that I want people to read about. Of course, me knowing me, that is probably down to my unspoken fear of being
literally shot down. In my head, I'd like to believe that what I type here is of some worth but of course, I also know that because most of what I type here is a response to something, be it an article I read somewhere or something someone has said or done, there is always going to be a bias to it and hence, not 100% true.
So is that it?
Is this my sounding board?
My diary in the world of Web 2.0?
Dunno.
What I do know is what I don't want it to be.
Let's get this bit over with.
I am not Emo/Goth/Whatever the latest black clad trend is.
I do not have a need to share my self absorbed agony, misery, sadness or whatever with the world. I know the world is not out to get me and that it isn't that they don't understand me, it is that I don't understand the world.
Besides, that is the sort of thing you do when you're 15-18; when you belive your life to be like that you see on the TV on whatever American teen angst drama is currently the
It thing. In my day, it was Dawson's Creek; a show about a self obsessed, self absorbed, arse of a guy who does things that pleases himself whilst rationalising his selfish ways, all to a soundtrack of Damien Rice.
Sound familiar?
Well, that aint me.
I also don't want this to turn into a list.
Today I did this... Then I did that... Later I went there... Blah.
What's the point?
80% (random percentage courtesy of my head) of our lives is routine and nothing really changes. Even on the off chance that something really peculiar happens, that something is at best a 5 line job. If all you do is list the events of your day, my question to you is why does it need to be in a public forum such as a blog? Well, perhaps you don't intend it to be read by anyone, much like how I don't expect people to read this blog but still, on the off chance that someone does happen across your blog, do you really want them know what time you got up and how long it took you to get to work in the rain?
So what is this?
I'd like to think that I am slightly above average.
I know I'm pretty handy with a pen, pencil and paintbrush. I know I'm not too shabby behind a lens and these days, I aint that bad of a designer. In my spare time, I also do a little bit of writing of things that I'm too embarassed to show people and as a result is in a perpetual state of editing.
So perhaps this is the ideal forum for me to showcase the things that I do?
Maybe I should.
Occasionally, I do post some of them but not in the way that I should.
I have always been more interested in the process of things, of how things work and how things are done so perhaps that is the way to go. Maybe what I should do is make a point of recording every major stage of making something and you know what, I do kinda want to do this sort of thing; just not sure if it should be here though.
Would it work well interwoven with the random rubbish that I type?
Perhaps not.
Until I have something to show in this manner, I don't have to decide so maybe one day I'll have a new link to show you (whoever you are).
I try to read a lot and I try to read widely.
I try to keep up with what is going on around the world and occasionally, for one reason or another, something stirs in me to respond.
But what's the worth of that?
Not much really but then again, I have always said that I write here mainly for me to look back on later, to either laugh with or laugh at. So perhaps that what this really is; an attempt to give a fair representation what makes me tick. To that end I have always tried to be as honest as I can be here and when I have an audience of one (i.e me) I have no need to lie to myself unless I really want to but even then, well, it's not as if I won't know/remember that I lied.
There have been moments when I have spent hours tweeking and re-editing posts until I am finally happy to hit that publish button but that wasn't really to hide things; it was to make sure that there was no possibility of being mistaken and well, sometimes I had to generalise somethings for the sake of keeping people's names out of it....
For the sake of making myself understood I have also occasionally written about certain philosophies I hold dear. I hope that by discussing how I perceive things, your perception of me would be clearer. I will admit to a certain level of egotistical mental masturbation going on as well but I hope that the tongue in cheek nature of intellectual name dropping doesn't go un-noticed.
So what's the point of this post in the context of what has been typed above?
Right now, sitting here on my slightly lop-sided office chair, drinking my slightly colder than it should be tea, I am, in my head, finishing up a version 1.0 of a sort of mission statement for this blog.
I am feeling a new found desire to do more things in light of the current global self destruct sequence and perhaps more realistically, I am re-energised after seeing someone that I do still hold dear to my heart.
Titled: 25th October 2008
Published: 30th June 2009
DM: Venice, Oct 2009
