observations of self/i dub thee

Something interesting came up on a chat show today about the place of dreams in people's lives and more specifically, the question of whether or not they are a good thing or a bad thing.

So where and how do the oppositions stand?
To have dreams is to be human and indeed, it is the very human act of dreaming; to have hopes and desires beyond your grasp that is what drives us as a species to move forward. The question is then how far should dreams take us? How much should we invest in a dream? Where do we draw the line?

What is your dream?
Ok, scratch that, what are your dreams?
There's no denying that we all have dreams. There is hardly a person out there that doesn't in one way or another, want something. Some of these wants are selfish, some not so but they are all the same, a desire for something; a want, a need, a dream.

Some dreams are simple and perfectly understandable. We all want to be successful. We all want to be able to afford and to have the things we desire. This is what I consider to be one of the key elements of the human condition. Without the desire for more, we simply do not progress. Idly meandering along a path to nowhere gets you exactly that; nowhere so we should all dream to do better, to be better, to have better. If not for ourselves then for the people that follow.

I use them as an example time and time again but that is because it is relevent to me and a lot of people in the UK. My parents came to this country with nothing to make an attempt to be better than they were in HK. 50+ years ago, when my grand-parents first had a notion that their kids could ship themselves to the UK to have a go at getting work, they were farmers. Remember too that farming in HK back then wasn't exactly a high tech grand scale affair. It was one big cow, carrying buckets of water and getting hands and feet dirty farming; in fact pretty much how they did things in the UK around the 1700s. That's the kind of life my parents had as children.
But they had dreams and so off they sailed.
Part of these dreams were selfish.
It is prevalent in Chinese society/culture that parents live off the success of their children. As a result, many of my generation are doctors, lawyers, brokers, engineers, accountants are all professions that are desirable because they are either heroes of a sort or considered respectable. The dream for their child to be something was reason for them (the parents) to work hard to make money so that they can brag about the success of their child and hence recount tales of how hard they worked to put us (the children) through various schools.
Maybe this is something that all parents go through but it is just more poignant to me because of the specific details of really coming from nothing. I have never asked them the question and perhaps I never will but I do wonder what it was that they initially wanted from the UK, before me and my sister came into the picture?
It's obvious really, first and foremost it is to survive and in fact, a lot of this is about survival and what comes afterwards. Once you get beyond the basic need to survive is where it gets interesting. Once you are surviving comfortably and no longer have to worry about not making a living what place then do dreams take you?

As a working adult, we all want a better job. Even when you are at the top of your profession, there will be things that you want from your job. These are still dreams and this is what creates competition and again, competition is one of those things that drives us forward.

But these are the big overt dreams.
These are things that we can see with our eyes as they are the dreams that has an effect on our lives.
How about the smaller dreams?

It is natural for us to want to succeed.
To be able to do what ever we want is the true reason for the want to be successful and earn money. Money isn't the most important thing in the world but money helps you achieve things that are important. More accurately, money offers you freedom to choose the things you do and it is that little thing, the power of choice, the freedom of choice that is important and one of the things that ultimately define you as a person.

So it is good to have dreams; goals, ambitions, a direction for us to aim for so that we know how and where to make/take the next step.

Except somewhere along the line, people started to forget this.
When My grand-dad came to the UK, it was to give his children a chance at something better. When my parents came here it was further that cause and develop what had been started earlier. That leaves me here, now, sitting on the cusp of achieving what they started two generations ago and how I go from here, is my choice because I have a choice. That is what their dreams have given me and that is why I also feel guilty because I have not always made the best choices but that is my burden and not one that needs to be discussed...

But at least I do know where I should be going.
I'm not sure that can be said of many people these days.
It could be unfair of me and I know that a lot of this is going to be down to the media presentation but it seems that ahem, kids these days have no direction; no real dreams.

They want to be famous, to be a celebrity but without having to do the work that is usually associated with success and fame and fortune.
The abundance of reality talent shows show us just how much of an epidemic this is. Kids talk about wanting the chance as if it's owed to them, that they just deserve it but reality is, no.

For every good singer on X-Factor needing a chance, there are tens and even hundreds of equally good singers doing the club circuits and working ten times as hard. So who deserves it more?
Everyone remembers that classic "I live the life of a celebrity" from that who-ever on Big Brother in one of the early series. It's quite shocking to think that even back then, when this was in its infancy, that there were already people who thought like that and that is perhaps where the real issue is; that people place too much importance on themselves. They are so self centred that everything they do is ultimately so that they can gain.
What's worse is that they truely believe themselves; that they deserve whatever it is that they want and that somehow, that means they don't have to work at it. How often have you heard someone say "well, if it wasn't meant to be then that's just the way it is?". Well, I can't help but see that as an excuse to not work harder. It is akin to letting it fall on something as whimsical and not to mention non-existing, as fate. As if you don't have to worry because one day etc etc etc.

In the real world, we call that delusional but that's the problem with delusional; they don't know that they are. As far as they are concerned, they are what they think they are and that anyone who indicates otherwise is wrong. It is, as I keep repeating, a way of avoiding responsibilty.

The short of it is this; you don't really deserve anything you don't work at.
The inverse is also true; you deserve everything that results from the things that you do.
If someone praises you, well done but at the same time, if someone has something bad to say, chances are you deserve that too.


Titled: 19th October 2008
Published: 15th December 2008